Next stop, Purpose

I have been trying since returning from our vacation in mid March to write a blog on how we easily, yet cautiously, traveled with our toddler for the first time in the big city of Washington D.C. While I feel it is probably important to write about and share our experience traveling with our toddler, I think it’s been weighing on me to write about how I’ve been really feeling lately. To be completely honest, nothing super exciting or crazy is going on…at least not in this moment and possibly not for the next few weeks. Just to be clear, I’m not complaining, but I am in the process of mentally preparing little by little for the future. I know that everything always turns out to be fine, and I keep telling myself, “can you just relax?!” But, I’m a realist and when it comes down to it, I will sit there and talk about the things that need to get done, the important events I (we) have ahead, and the parts of my life I need to start preparing for. I will not deny that I worry an unhealthy amount. I unfortunately complain more than I should and I can be super obsessive about small things that are not practical. I keep saying “I have so much to do, so much I want to do and no time” the truth is I have more time now than I will in the next few months, I just don’t realize it. It’s obvious that I am feeling slightly overwhelmed, but when it comes down to doing nothing or doing a lot, I think I’m much rather prefer a season of growth and blossoming than feeling like I’m at a stand still in life or that I have nothing to look forward to. I am moving forward and that is a beautiful feeling, especially since it aligns with God’s will. I see it all the time, our Society and social media feeds can sometimes paint this picture that doing nothing, watching Netflix and staying at home all the time is really spectacular, when really this type of lifestyle can lead to depression, anxiety and insecurities, especially when you’re an overwhelmed mom, who just needs a gosh dang minute to herself. Although I’m not your average outgoing type of person, I do desire to help people and work towards something important as I see fit. So I am willing to enjoy these next few weeks of calm and enjoying time with my family, even if I am feeling a little nervous about what’s ahead. I think I’m 100% ready to be busy and working towards my purpose.

So whats all the reasoning behind me being a little on edge in these non busy moments? Well, these slow moments are about to start speeding up. In the next few months, my life is going to literally turn upside down. I will be laying a lot of my time out for myself and my future…That’s a lot to take in. That’s a lot to think about. There will be times, when my answer will have to be a flat out “NO”. In all fairness I honestly don’t give a lot of my own time to myself at all (except when I write or partially sleep). And this had me thinking, as a mother, why don’t I give myself more of me time? I of course know the answer, but I also don’t know why; even though it may be supported, as the mother it’s not often you see us working towards becoming more than just mothers. (unless of course that is what a woman wants more power to her.) Personally, I have decided that I need to be a mom with a passion past just working all the time, so that my own child can follow in my footsteps and find passion in the things he is lead to do. I have decided that I want to be a mother who is always moving forward, a mother with a career she is dedicated to, a mother who is driven. A mother who does not let the little road blocks in life overwhelm or consume her. In about 2 months I will be diving into new obstacles all the while working full time and still keeping my normal wifey and mommy duties. These new chapters include me going back to school, working towards becoming a certified lactation counselor, searching for a career in nutrition or lactation counseling, taking on a new ministry, celebrating my child’s second birthday and my husband’s 29th birthday, and allowing myself to be stretched a little thinner than usual.

I also want to express that these are not complaints. I am ecstatic and hopeful that I do well and push myself to succeed. I hope I can learn when to say yes and when to say no and to not feel pressured into something I know I am not fully committed to. I know for sure I am about to start doing things I never thought I would be doing, but I owe it not only to myself, but to my family to create a life that has purpose. I believe this to be true for all moms (and woman in general.) Find what works for you and move towards it, even if it’s the tiniest of baby steps. There is no wrong or right time to work towards bettering yourself. If I feel worth it, you should too!

“Hey” series: Part 3 motherhood

Hey Mama, you’re right, it really does feel like No one understands. I know you’re tired. I am too. Let’s try not to compare our struggles. Uplift when you’re down and see how it works wonders in your own life. We’re in no competition, remember that when the mom at daycare or play group asks you if your kid is doing the same thing her kid is doing yet. Brush her off and find contentment in your family’s journey. Don’t let one developmental delay worry you to no end, every child grows and develops at different rates. Therapy is important when needed, take the help. It’s okay to reminisce. It’s okay to miss your old life, as long as you cherish the blessings of your current life. 40 hours of work a week is hard, and yes it’s okay to still miss your baby. Being a stay at home mom is hard, and yes it’s okay to miss working. Don’t feel bad when you have to stay home with your sick child, they need you most in these times, your job may need you, but not as much as your child does. Don’t feel bad taking a nap over cleaning and doing laundry. And yes the house is a mess and the dishes never stop and the laundry always piles up, but honestly there will be a day where you have a spark of energy and it will get done.

Hey Mama, Don’t let the stress own you, don’t worry about every last thing, and if you do worry, find something to help relieve your overworking thoughts. You’ve heard it several times, and you will hear it several more. “They grow up so fast”, and honestly they do. Hold them for as long as they let you. Let them grow with your help. Try not to purposefully rush them or delay them. Read to them often. Rock them to sleep. Kiss them a million times and let them rest in your arms. Take them on trips with you, those will be some of the best memories. I know it’s hard not to yell when they do the thing you said over and over again not to do, but try to speak at eye level when they make you upset. Keep a journal. Make the easy dinner and use paper plates. Let your husband help you clean, even if it’s not to your standards. Take the photos and let photos be taken of you. Let your littles see you pray. Let them see you break. Let them see you do the things you love. Teach them to be gentle and perhaps how to sweep the floor. If you’re overwhelmed, and you sit on the toilet for an hour scrolling Instagram after everyone goes to bed…that is totally fine because maybe it will help you unwind, just try to refrain from the comparing, okay?… Breastfeeding? Clingy baby? Bed sharing? I know you’re touched out, so take the scalding hot shower so you can feel okay again. Make the time to let your husband love you, let him appreciate your new found body, let him pleasure you first and foremost because you’ve been pleasing people all day. Make time for sex, make time for intimacy. Make time for self-care, make time for health care.

Hey, Mama…you’re doing great. I hope you know that. I hope you know I’m so proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too. I hope you know that you, as the mom of your family, you know what’s best. Hold that thought and cling to knowing you’re doing everything as perfectly as you should be, but worrying that you’re not, just as much as the next mom.

Busy mama lactation cookies

Recently I had a few Mamas’ (and literally like 3 people, which is not a lot, but anyway enough to post the recipe 😂) ask me about breastfeeding and general milk supply. Of course I can discuss how hard breastfeeding has been because I feel like I’ve been through the worst of it, I also can say it’s been the most beautiful journey. There have certainly been some very difficult moments, but I want to give hope to those who feel like giving up and credit to myself because even when I was on the verge of quitting I came up with an idea that was inexpensive and really helped my supply. I honestly think all the time, if I could go back and tell my new mom self all the things I know now, I’d honestly be my own best friend. So how did I make it through even with supply issues and being broke, My secret: Lactation cookies! I “mostly” came up with the recipe myself and If you’re wondering if they actually work…Yes! I’m excited to share with whoever is interested and give a little background about how they came about. Along with eating enough healthy whole foods and drinking plenty of water, these cookies boosted my milk supply when I was not producing enough milk due to stress, depression and just overall low milk supply.

My supply was fine during my maternity leave, but once I got back to work, then moved in with family, stress was high and my supply dropped drastically. I went from making 16-18oz. Of milk A day to only making 8-10oz. And having to supplement with formula. I was frustrated and not ready to quit. I didn’t have a large back up stash or extra money to buy lactation cookies from name brand companies, so I quickly and effectively improvised.

These cookies came about when I was watching a Buzzfeed tasty video, so I will give them credit for the idea (bananas and oats), however I turned them into pumping power cookies, with a few added ingredients perfect for any mom who may be subject to a dairy-free, vegetarian, or even no flour diet. I love these cookies and for many reason: They are healthy, they are easy to make and store, they fill me up for breakfast, and they are honestly delicious. I’ve named them for what they truly are, trust me, these cookies hardly take more than 15 minutes to make and the clean up is super easy. These cookies aren’t super sweet, but still pretty tasty especially if warmed and with a cup of coffee. I use no sugar for The sole purpose of making sure they won’t help feed any type of Thrush or yeast that mom or baby may be dealing with.

“Busy Mama Lactation Cookies”

This recipe makes anywhere from 6-7 extra large cookies, 8 medium size cookies or 10 small cookies.

(I prefer the 6 XL cookies because 2 are very filling for breakfast)

*Preheat the oven to 425 degrees

*cover large sheet pan with foil (for easy clean up 😉)

You will need:

•2 bananas

• 1 1/2 cup Oats

• 1 cup almond (or any type) milk (add more as needed)

• Heaping spoonful of almond or peanut butter (unsweetened)

• 2 tbsp of finely crushed flaxseed

• Large spoonful of Honey

•Chocolate chips or coconut flakes as much or as little as you like (diary free option)

-Combine: Bananas, oats and milk

-Add remaining ingredients

*Mix all together in large bowl

*Scoop large spoonfuls of mix onto cookie sheet

*Bake at 425 degrees for 12 minutes and they should come out looking like this and smelling amazing!

*Let cool and then eat em’ up!

~Or…to store~

*2-3 in a baggie and keep in a cool, dry place 5-7 days

*If you want to save them just a little bit longer, refrigerate for up to 10-15 days

*If you make a ton and want to save for supply emergency treats or a quick and easy breakfast, freeze for up to a 3 months. *Warm in microwave 30-45 seconds.

Yum 👅!!

*Just a side note*

not all mommies may respond to these cookies the same way my body does, remember, they are an aide to “help” boost supply, not a guarantee. If you find your supply is still not coming up after 3-5 days, you may want to contact your doctor or local lactation consultant and see if there is an underlying issue as to why your supply is not where you need it to be. Always remember to drink half your weight in water (ounces) and eat well.

Best of luck on your breastfeeding journey ✌🏼🤱🏼🤱🏽🤱🏿

Please try to understand

I’m sitting in a closet. Preparing my baby’s next meals in an old, dusty closet that hasn’t been cleaned in only God knows how many years. So this is what is has come to. All the support and “great jobs on keeping up with breastfeeding” has come to me sitting in an old Rickety chair, a child size desk, and a door that doesn’t lock from the inside. The room is hot and the electrical outlet looks like it’s going to catch fire. Great. Way to support women in the workplace. My blood is boiling and my heart is in my throat. I’m sick to my stomach and I’m so very tired of feeling like a burden, I shouldn’t have to because I’m doing the absolute best I can for my baby and The only reason I continued my breastfeeding journey after going back to work was because I thought I was supported. I’m doing what I worked so dang hard for.

The back and forth comments I hear regularly:

“You should breastfeed its best for the baby’s development”

“You should just try formula feeding, it’s easier and they have some good ones out there just as good as breastmilk.”

“You can just pump at work, and reserve a room right?”

“Are you almost done doing whatever you’re doing, we need this room.”

“Breast is best!”

“Fed is best, try formula it’s easier!”

I’m so tired of the comments behind my back.

I’m so tired of the arrogance.

I’m so tired of “our meeting about budgets is more important than you finding a place to feed your child”

Please don’t go to my supervisor who is a male and tell him that I can’t use any of the meeting rooms. COME TO ME! Tell me to my face! I am the one who has to use the room, not him!

I’m so tired of people and their opinions and I’m astonished that I have to explain myself. It is so sad. I’m sitting in closet for goodness sake, when I could be using any 3 of the open meeting rooms we have in our very large building. God forbid a spur of the moment meeting occurs about things that don’t really matter and I become the bad guy.

Depressing.

Frustrating.

Insulting.

I can feel the redness and heat radiating off my face. I’ve never been this furious. Unthoughtful men and women alike, Please don’t look at me like I have 3 eyes and 10 arms when I asked if your meeting is almost over, honestly I can hear you chatting about your unimportant weekend plans. Please understand that it has been 4 hours since I last fed my baby and I’m uncomfortable. Don’t think I’m rushing you along because I think I have some authority. If I ask how much longer, I don’t do it to be rude, I do it because there are no available rooms for me to pump and this room is my last resort. “Oh well we will just put her in a hot closet.” Way to go PBC, on protecting and providing for the new working moms. Yes, I understand that there are sometimes short notice events and yes I understand you will have meetings, but I always take the time to check the calendar and make sure I’m not overlapping your meeting. If you have your own private office, I think that could suffice as a meeting room. I work in an open area, so please tell me how I am suppose to pump for my baby in an open area?

Don’t tell me “The baby is 6 months old, when are you going to stop? WHY in the heck would I stop when it’s going so good. When my son is growing so well and we have a beautiful bond and he’s showing signs of 9 months motor and intellectual skills. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I STOP? Don’t tell me just for today I can use someone’s office since they are out and then expect me to figure out what I’m suppose to do for the rest of the week when you’re using my last resort and that person who was out yesterday is back today. Don’t ask me if I miss my baby and tell me I’m doing a great job and then criticize me behind my back on how I choose to feed my baby. Don’t give me a glare when I walk past you in the hall because I’m “always” using the meeting room.

Please understand you are the reason woman stop breastfeeding at 3 and 4 months because they don’t feel comfortable. You are the reason women get anxiety and lose their milk supply. You are the reason women cry because they feel like a burden. You are the reason woman doubt themselves and their ability to do what’s right at work and do what’s right for their baby. You are the reason woman feel like they can’t have children and be a working mom. You are the reason women quit their jobs. I hope someone reads this and has some realization and “wow she’s right” moment. Moms who breastfeed and pump need support in the workplace. Why does this have to be a struggle? Why do I feel so hurt? Why can’t people just be considerate and understanding? Consider that maybe you are the problem, and the breastfeeding mom who may slightly inconvenience you for 30 minutes is not.