I have been trying since returning from our vacation in mid March to write a blog on how we easily, yet cautiously, traveled with our toddler for the first time in the big city of Washington D.C. While I feel it is probably important to write about and share our experience traveling with our toddler, I think it’s been weighing on me to write about how I’ve been really feeling lately. To be completely honest, nothing super exciting or crazy is going on…at least not in this moment and possibly not for the next few weeks. Just to be clear, I’m not complaining, but I am in the process of mentally preparing little by little for the future. I know that everything always turns out to be fine, and I keep telling myself, “can you just relax?!” But, I’m a realist and when it comes down to it, I will sit there and talk about the things that need to get done, the important events I (we) have ahead, and the parts of my life I need to start preparing for. I will not deny that I worry an unhealthy amount. I unfortunately complain more than I should and I can be super obsessive about small things that are not practical. I keep saying “I have so much to do, so much I want to do and no time” the truth is I have more time now than I will in the next few months, I just don’t realize it. It’s obvious that I am feeling slightly overwhelmed, but when it comes down to doing nothing or doing a lot, I think I’m much rather prefer a season of growth and blossoming than feeling like I’m at a stand still in life or that I have nothing to look forward to. I am moving forward and that is a beautiful feeling, especially since it aligns with God’s will. I see it all the time, our Society and social media feeds can sometimes paint this picture that doing nothing, watching Netflix and staying at home all the time is really spectacular, when really this type of lifestyle can lead to depression, anxiety and insecurities, especially when you’re an overwhelmed mom, who just needs a gosh dang minute to herself. Although I’m not your average outgoing type of person, I do desire to help people and work towards something important as I see fit. So I am willing to enjoy these next few weeks of calm and enjoying time with my family, even if I am feeling a little nervous about what’s ahead. I think I’m 100% ready to be busy and working towards my purpose.
So whats all the reasoning behind me being a little on edge in these non busy moments? Well, these slow moments are about to start speeding up. In the next few months, my life is going to literally turn upside down. I will be laying a lot of my time out for myself and my future…That’s a lot to take in. That’s a lot to think about. There will be times, when my answer will have to be a flat out “NO”. In all fairness I honestly don’t give a lot of my own time to myself at all (except when I write or partially sleep). And this had me thinking, as a mother, why don’t I give myself more of me time? I of course know the answer, but I also don’t know why; even though it may be supported, as the mother it’s not often you see us working towards becoming more than just mothers. (unless of course that is what a woman wants more power to her.) Personally, I have decided that I need to be a mom with a passion past just working all the time, so that my own child can follow in my footsteps and find passion in the things he is lead to do. I have decided that I want to be a mother who is always moving forward, a mother with a career she is dedicated to, a mother who is driven. A mother who does not let the little road blocks in life overwhelm or consume her. In about 2 months I will be diving into new obstacles all the while working full time and still keeping my normal wifey and mommy duties. These new chapters include me going back to school, working towards becoming a certified lactation counselor, searching for a career in nutrition or lactation counseling, taking on a new ministry, celebrating my child’s second birthday and my husband’s 29th birthday, and allowing myself to be stretched a little thinner than usual.
I also want to express that these are not complaints. I am ecstatic and hopeful that I do well and push myself to succeed. I hope I can learn when to say yes and when to say no and to not feel pressured into something I know I am not fully committed to. I know for sure I am about to start doing things I never thought I would be doing, but I owe it not only to myself, but to my family to create a life that has purpose. I believe this to be true for all moms (and woman in general.) Find what works for you and move towards it, even if it’s the tiniest of baby steps. There is no wrong or right time to work towards bettering yourself. If I feel worth it, you should too!
Still a good mom 