Time is precious

Time is certainly precious

Said often, meant well, but sometimes overwhelming to hear, Time is precious. I know. I know it when I see my child figure out something new or when he looks in my eyes and smiles. I’m fully aware. I am doing my best. I am doing all that I can to be present. Time is precious, but life moves on as though it never stops, there is a perplexing truth in moving forward yet staying still, we’re flying and diving into older age and new seasons, but I am staying right where I have always been.

Time is so precious. My heart is so weary. My mind is constantly on, bright and ready to dwell in all that is there to think of, even if my heart is tired. My brain is like a computer, never turned off and with a million tabs opening a second. So much information, but sitting still, so very still.

Time is precious, so why would I leave with unfinished business and go elsewhere, then who would be there for truth and honesty.

Time is precious, but I’m stuck. Here. Stuck because I’m scared. Stuck because I cringe at change. Stuck because no one ever pushed me to go and do something other than sleep and work. That someone should of been me, but time was precious and the beach and bed was calling.

Time is precious, but money is important. Bill are always there. Money is needed, for obvious reasons, but I don’t care for it, it is not helping.

Time is precious, and yet there is a fence that I sit on and contemplate about how time goes by slow, like when your husband is gone for a week, but it feels like a year, but also how its is so unfairly fast, because 9 months came and went and I am trying to figure how to prepare for a crawling/walking toddler.

And what do I do to become a better reader, writer, creator, supporter, (real)feminist, wife and mother. Because time is so darn precious, but a picture I paint in my mind is not in sight!

Time is precious, but I have to be careful not to offend, be careful not to overwhelm or drawl attention to the doubting, opinionated, public eye. Time is precious, but don’t cry over it. Everyone has to deal with the same things I do. Am I weak If I complain? Am I weak for being honest?

Time is precious and yes while I write, I take my time, but I only write while my child sleeps and I count his breaths, making sure I don’t miss one. MAKING SURE HE SOUNDS OKAY! MAKING SURE I’M THERE FOR HIM IF HE WAKES UP. MAKING SURE I’M THE BEST MOM JUST IN CASE I DON’T SEE ANOTHER DAY. MAKING SURE I SOAK IN EVERY SINGLE SECOND I GET TO BE WITH HIM EVEN IF HE IS SLEEPING.

Time. Is. Precious.

So if time is so precious, I am ready to back down from my daily fights and live as if this statement is true.

I’m tired of the social norms.

I’m tired of hearing “it’s just for a short time”

I’m tired of not enough space, but plenty of it somewhere else.

I’m tired of judgement.

I’m tired of social media.

I’m tired of what’s classified as right and wrong.

I’m tired of grudges.

I’m tired of guilt.

I’m tired of caring so much for things that have no value to my life.

Time is precious and I’m ready to move forward with what it offers.