Decided

I am living, But I hate to think that I’m doing too much of something that allows me to only just be alive and not feel like I’m living a life of worth. Routine may seem ideal for some, and I won’t lie it has saved me when I felt lost as a new mother, but now it has bored me to my very core and I wonder what I would be doing now if I never returned back to work from maternity leave. Would I have it all together? Would I be happy or burnt out? I really don’t know, but I think for a while my routine was meant to unveil new ideas and options for my future self and allow me to control my unwelcome anxiety. My focus is to flourish my mind and my overall being past routine. My desire is to make it so that my life isn’t about how much money I have saved or what possessions I have. My dream is not to own a large house with a ton of space. I don’t care about big brands or large furniture, all I need are my basic necessities for living, my family (and pets), as well as my relationship with God to help me lead a life with simplicity as key, adventure in mind and joy as a constant.

In my writing I often speak of how I want my child to live a meaningful life, but I look at my own and realize “can I help him learn to live a simple, joyful and uncluttered life if I am doing the complete opposite” this is an obvious answer and there is so much meaning behind “raise them up right”. What is right or good or even well behaved, when you sometimes don’t even know if what you’re doing as a parent is right or going to help your child as they grow. There is so much I have yet to learn and experience when it comes to being a mom before I can even give advice or write about it, but I’m wanting to walk this path with an open mindedness and willpower that trickles down to my child and his life. I want my child to avoid having a one track mind, I want him to be adventurous and capable, and I want to be cheering him on in his endeavors while I’m experiencing fulfillment on my own side of the fence. I know this can’t be done alone and I’m trusting 100% that with the help of God and my family, I will find balance and security in minimizing my life’s possessions and routines.

I know I have time, not a lot but some, so I have to make a change somewhere and as I begin to make this change, my presence will be less but enough to still keep doing what I love most. I will continue filling up my notes and your feed with my writing and thoughts and hopes and dreams and advice and love and knowledge and abilities. If I’m absent for a while it’s because I’m working on the declutter process, which can be something that takes a lot of time and thought and energy. I will document my process and discuss my ups and downs as always.

For now my little family’s future is my fuel to keep this movement a priority and to find lasting joy for all of us.