I can not always put into words my thoughts on cesarian birth, but I will try for the sake of women who continually beat themselves up over it. Or for the woman who are told that they “did not give birth” or perhaps for the woman who were not given an option, but more so a timeline.
Whether you fought for a natural birth or not, a belly birth will still physically and mentally break you down. The healing process is hard. The reminder is prominent, but you and I, we gave birth too.
The birth I wanted but could not have, it feels fresh almost as if it was yesterday. We were stuck, both of us, Mama and baby, eager to meet, and only given the opportunity to do so by belly birth.
In the moment, as I was leaving my natural birth and being rushed to my surgery birth, I played the day over and over in my mind “what did I do wrong, why has my body failed me” it was not until I heard him cry that I knew my baby was born. It was not until that moment, that I let go of my “plan A” and welcomed “plan unknown”. It was not until the silence broke and cries echoed in the operating room, that I realized I gave birth too.
11 months later and I still see it. Bright against my pale skin. Quite a perfect line. Not as smooth as I’d hope. Sometimes painful. But it is a place on my body where my baby came through to meet me. It is my reminder, almost like a tattoo, a much needed tattoo; That without modern medicine, I would not be here and my baby would not be here.
11 months later my body still squishy and healing, it gave me hope. It gave me joy. It gave me true love. It may have not allowed me to birth naturally, but it allowed me to create life, carry life, and nourish life.
C-section Mama, just so you know you gave birth too.